Today was a bit of a weird start to the day. My life in the military has left me with the inability to sleep through the night, guts so destroyed I cannot eat a slice of pizza without paying for it for the next day or so, and deafness that makes me sound like a babbling drunk idiot.
But the army left me with a lot of good. A respect for myself (even when that asshole voice inside is just destroying every ounce of me), a good work ethic, a drive to get the job done regardless of the cost, and the ability to adapt to, and operate fully under, ROUTINE!
So, as mentioned, today was a bit of a weird start to the day. I got up earlier than usual, to the sun shining, a dog starting to get restless, and the start of another day of this god forsaken heatwave.
The last few days, I have been sluggish. Fuck, I will be honest, the last few months really. It started with when I began looking at getting out of the army, while simultaneously being pretty banged up. As the date drew close to release, I went into that ‘slump’. My daily routine was effectively destroyed.
Following my official release, I didn’t get much better. Lets be honest here, for the first time in 10 years, if I slept in, I wasn’t afraid of a charge. I could ignore the phone, ignore the hair. That isn’t to say I wasn’t full of my fare share of work to do.
This lead to me taking longer to get the store up and running. Dragging my ass on orders, and almost missing my second self imposed deadline.
Then today happened. I realized, that regardless of what time I wake up, I have re-established a personal routine again. It is drastically different than the one while I was serving, but it is a feeling of safe and secure again.
I didn’t realize how much I needed my life to be organized. I do, however, realize I am very fortunate to have figured it out before things got worse.
I sat in my bedroom, following my shower, getting dressed, and for the first time in a long time, an unexpected smile crept across my face as I said to myself ‘you finally got the routine back’. It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I felt happy.
To the point of all of this rambling bull shit.
DO NOT LOOSE YOUR ROUTINE
We have been trained to allow our bodies and minds to operate in the most fucked up ways possible. We have check lists and procedures for everything, we have ROUTINE.
When it goes away, and we have to self police ourselves, especially those of us from this community, we let it go.
For me, it manifested in sleeping in, letting the depression sink in and cripple me, and right down to not taking care of myself.
All it took to start it back again was the last few days of getting up, cleaning myself, and getting dressed in CLEAN CLOTHES!
If you are out there, and you have lost your way, the light on your path is out, don’t worry, it will come back on. Find your way back to a daily routine that gives you the security you need, and you will see the light show the path for you.
Thanks for reading to this point, and don’t forget to check on eachother out there.
Stay safe, Stay Alive, See You Tomorrow,
WE GOT YOUR SIX